||[Aug. 15th, 2004|09:38 pm]
Remus J. Lupin
How funny. I think I'll just laugh out loud. |
Life is charming.
Oh, that it is.
I think I'm going insane.
This is somewhat troubling.
A second ago, I wanted to end my life, and now I'm perfectly and entirely cheerful. There is something wrong with this situation. I am pretty sure of it.
I'm all right, I'm all right, I'm all right...
The dawn of a new day. A new day starts at midnight. Life is gorgeous.
It is as if you are watching the world dissolve. First the colors fade; then the contrasts blur; before long it has all fallen to pieces before you, all the vibrancy of life reduced to a chaotic, confusing gray. Life is chaotic, too, of course --– but it is a chaos that burns with light and energy, that glows with promise. The world before you now has no promise. There are no possibilities. There is only the knowledge that time must go on, that time must go on and that each passing second must tear back at you further, pushing you down until the weight crushing you is so enormous that you are sure that you, too, will collapse, crumbling as easily as everything else has. But the human frame is surprisingly resilient, and though every hour is agony you find to your dismay that you don’t, for despair is a determined predator, and a cunning one. It is not to be dissuaded from having what it wants, and as it only lives within you it does not want you dead --– merely changed. It wants to see you changed, for being a dark, mysterious creature it is jealous of you as you are. It does not like the fact that you can face the day with delight, your eyes glowing with the morning light --– so it lurks inside you, sucking out your soul until your eyes, too, can no longer see the sun.
I've been writing more, at least. Used to write quite a bit...